Red vs Blue: Valhalla chronicles
by Narc626
Summary: Clone bodies, pregnancies, and secrets, Oh my! the bliss of Valhalla is interupted when Tex tries to find out why she and church were given human bodies. sister is pregnant after sex romps with Tucker, and finally, Grif discovers Donut's big secret. AU.
1. Epsode 1: Pink is the Color of Love

Disclaimer: I do not own Halo, Halo2, Halo3, RVB, or the characters, vehicles, and entities there in. they are the properties of Bungie and Rooster teeth respectively.

**Episode I: Pink is the color of Love**

Things had finally settled down at outpost 17B (Valhalla) after the chaotic events surrounding the Meta, aka Maine, and the Reds and Blues of Blood gulch once again joining forces (Kind of) to stop said menace. The Reds took up residence in the beach side base while the Blues took the Cliff side base. The Reds weren't all that surprised of course when Tucker showed up with Sister in tow, nor were they really shocked when Tex and Church reappeared. (Note: I am making Tex an official member of Blue team since the Freelancers no longer exist) Though the fact they had human bodies again did cause some confusion. This meant the Reds were out numbered by two. So commend had transferred a new soldier and of course Doughnut to the new red base.

Grif sighed as he stood in front of the door to the showers, his Orange armor glinting under the ceiling lights. Why was he standing in front of the door to the showers? It was locked. And the person who locked it was none other than the pink armor clad Donut. He had locked the door on Grif to take a shower….. Again. This was just getting ridiculous. He had brushed it off the first two times Donut had pulled this. But enough was enough. Even Grif had his limits.

"Hurry Donut!" He pounded a gloved fist on the door. "What could you possibly be doing in there!?"

"I need my privacy!!! Just leave me alone Grif!" came the unusually girly voice of Donut. Wait, why was his voice so high just then.

"Donut what happen, you hit your self in the balls with the soap again?" Grif called out. Simmons walked up just as Grif said that.

"What the hell are you going on about?" the maroon armored private asked. Why was Grif just standing in front of the door to the showers? "Who's in there anyway?"

"It's Donut and he locked the damn door… again." Grif snorted. He proceeded to pound the door a few more times and gave it a kick for good measure. "God damnit Doughnut! Some people would actually like to use the fucking showers today!" Grif may have been lazy, but that didn't mean he didn't like being clean. Besides he had to use the bathroom something fierce. Who the Hell puts only one door to the showers? And why have the toilets in the same area? "Hurry up Donut!"

Hey you morons, what's all the racket?" Sarge asked walking up, Clad in standard red armor, and wielding his signature shotgun, Betsy. Next to Sarge was the new recruit, Mark. He wore forest Green armor with red as a secondary color.

"Hey is that girl in the showers?" Mark asked, excitement evident in his c=voice.

"What?" Simmons turned to Mark. "No. Donut's a guy numbnuts. How many times do I have to tell you that?" why was Mark convinced Donut was a girl?

"What ever you say." Mark simply shrugged.

"What Donut is in there again?!" Sarge growled. That was it! He had had enough of Donut's stupidity. Locking himself in the showers for hours on end. It was intolerable! "That does it!" Sarge shouted hefting a rocket launcher onto his shoulder. "Donut you have exactly five seconds to open this door before I blow it off its hinges with this rocket launcher!"

"Sir is that really necessary?!" Simmons exclaimed in shock.

"Of course!" Sarge replied matter-of-factly. "This is the only way to get the nimrod to stop locking the damn door on the bathroom."

"Oh come one Sarge!" Donut pleaded from inside the showers.

"5!"

"You're being unreasonable Sarge!"

"4!"

"I don't believe you!"

"3!"

"Fine I'm coming out!"

"2!"

"I said I'm coming!" donut opened the door, hastily fastening his helmet. "Jeez you guys don't need to be so freakin' g rude!"

"Less talk Donut and more getting out of my way." Grif huffed as he pushed past the pink clad soldier, the action eliciting a startled yelp from donut. Grif paused for a moment and looked at donut. "?" Grif watched confused as Donut bolted for the outside of the base. What is he deal? He's been acting weirder and weirder ever since we got to this new base. He would hide from everyone at the beginning of every month. He would rant about the inequalities in rank or some other nonsense. Grif never really paid attention to Donut's rambling. Then there were the several times he caught Donut hurriedly tucking away what looked like women's underwear. He didn't even want to know what Donut did with that. "I bet the Blues don't have to deal with anything this annoying."

Tucker sat at a table in the middle of their base, sister laying on the couch watching something about gardening. Caboose was talking to Andy about…. Whatever it is Caboose talks about. Church and Tex? They were having sex in there room, again. That's all they seemed to do these days. Sure they never really did anything to begin with. They had settled back into the same old indifference that had taken over at blood gulch. "……" tucker tried to ignore the moans and screams of pleasure coming from Church's room. "….. ARGH! I can't take it anymore!" Tucker stood up sharply, quickly made his way over to sister. "YOU. ME. SEX. NOW."

"It's about time you asked!" sister got up form the couch. "I was starting to think you were never gonna make a move!" she exclaimed, pulling her yellow armor off. Tucker couldn't help but admire her slim, petite form. Small, pert breasts went perfectly with her surprisingly child like body. Her auburn hair done into two low pony tails. She pulled Tucker out of his armor, taking time to admire his sleek, and well-muscled, dark skinned form. Sister literally jerked tucker down on top of her as they began to wildly ravish each other, tongues and fingers hotly probing and feeling there way over aroused flesh as they let pure lust and desire overwhelm them. Sister let out a scream of ecstasy as tucker plunged his impressive length into her.

"Oh god! AH! FUCK! You're so deep in me! AH! Fuck it's so good!" sister gasped as Tucker rammed into her at a mind-numbing pass.

"Fuck baby! You're so tight!" Tucker exclaimed as he felt her inner walls constrict around him. "GAH FUCK!" Tucker shouted as he and sister climaxed together.

"Hey guys what are you doing?" Caboose asked as he walked in on tucker and sister's wild romp. "….. I think I'll come back later." Caboose backed up slowly and went back outside. Tucker and sister blinked at the sight they had just witness. "That was odd." Tucker commented.

"Yeah …. Want a go again?" sister asked, still in a high state of arousal.

"You got it baby." Tucker smirked. Oh yeah having sister around really was a good thing. Ever since coming to Valhalla, the little delicious nympho could never get enough of Tucker. Oh yeah it was definitely good to be Tucker.

"Oh and Tucker?" Sister asked as she got on all fours. "Let's do the back door this time." She gave a very dirty grin to Tucker.

"Bow chicka bow WOW!!!" Tucker exclaimed as he thrust his throbbing member up the petite girls ass.

"Oh Fuck!' Sister screamed as tucker drove his cock into her ass." Oh god it feels so fucking good!"

In church's room, church and Tex lay naked under the shit's of his bed, bodies hot and glistening from the heat of there love making.

"You know I never realized before now just how good it was to have a living body till now." Church commented as he pulled Tex closer to him. He ran a strong hand through her short, strawberry blond hair, enjoying the fell of it in his hand. He looked over her shapely, lightly muscled body. She had curves in all the right places, luscious, 36C breasts. She had a wonderful hourglass figure. In short she looked like a supermodel…. That could tear your spine and strangle you with it.

"I know." Tex replied. She looked into Church's eyes. He had a well-muscled body, short brown hair and dark green eyes. "It feels odd and wonderful at the same time to have a real body again…. But I can' help but wonder."

"Wonder what Tex?" Church raised an eyebrow. What was she thinking? Sometimes Tex was an enigma.

"Well, WHY did we get new, flesh and blood bodies? I mean the committee shelled out allot of money to have these clone bodies made for us, especially considering you are… well you know…. Alpha."

"Don't remind me Tex." Church sighed. She had to bring THAT up. He sighed lightly that's right. He was for all intent and purposes…. An AI. The real church was some where on Earth, no doubt getting his fifty plus year old ass chewed out by the Committee for what he did to church, no alpha, no Him. Church never really saw himself as alpha, even after merging with all the other AI when he Helped Agent Washington defeat the Meta. Thankfully epsilon was with Caboose when her merged with Delta, omega, theta, Gamma, Bravo, Fenix, and Charlie. He didn't think he would have been able to keep it together with the memories  
Epsilon had. "Any way why are you worried any way?" Church asked. "They picked up the tab. What's the big deal?"

"you don't know those people like I do." Tex replied. I worked with them for a long time. I know how they work. They don't shell out the cash for something unless the profit from it. They could have easily put us in new robot bodies. Those things are a dime a dozen. But the made Clone bodies for us. Flesh and blood, anatomically, correct functioning bodies. Why? Why spend so much more for real bodies when robot ones would have been so much easier?"

"…. What are you getting at Tex?" church asked. "You think there's some ulterior motive to them giving us human bodies?"

"Most likely yes." Tex nodded. "But…. I don't know what yet. And another thing. I noticed we've been unusually, um…. Intimate lately with each other."

"The sex?" church blinked. Come to think of it he had been oddly attracted to Tex. And she had been oddly close to him. Nah it was just them getting used to having hormones again. "It's probably us just not being used to having these hormones again.

Outside, caboose was walking in circles. Andy the bomb watched as the dumbest member of blue team slowly wore a path into the ground.

"Hey Caboose!" the ball called out. "you look like you walked in on one of the two fuck buddy couples in the middle of one of their "Strategy sessions"!" the ball laughed.

"I saw… nothing!" Caboose declared. "I saw nothing at all!"

"Sure you did." Andy laughed. "so were they doing it doggy style this time? Come on spare no detail, no matter how graphic or perverse! I can handle it!"

Back at Red base, Grif had grudgingly gone after Donut while Simmons and Sarge tried to get a straight answer out of Mark as to why he kept harassing Donut.

Grif grumbled to himself as he walked over to the small cave in the side of the cliff face where he had seen Donut go running. Why did he have to go looking for Donut? I mean why couldn't they just let him hide up there like they did the last couple of times. It's not like donut wasn't going to come back later. It was just so damn annoying. Things had been fine before that new guy showed up. that guy mark had automatically assumed that Donut was a woman because of the armor. Even after he had been told Donut was a guy. He insisted on referring to the pink clad soldier as a she. It just pissed of Grif. Not that he cared about how donut felt. Hell he had made his fair share scathing comments about donuts gender and sexual orientation plenty of times. But it never really bothered him before now. Sure donut would whine and protest the remarks made , but he would never out right take off and hide like he did now. And another thing, the new guy Mark would make advances on Donut. sexual advances. Like he was sure Donut was a girl. They way he talked to the pink soldier, the way he referred to him. It all seemed off.

"Stupid Donut, running off like that. Acting like a damn woman on her rag." Grif fumed as he approached the small cave.

"Now I'm only gonna tell you one last time." Sarge snarled at Mark. "No more of that Nancy boy crap you're pullin' with Donut. When we beat the Blues you can do all the gay ass grabbing your heart can handle! But right now I need your head in the game son."

"Sir, yes Sir." Mark nodded. Sarge was pissed he could tell. But Mark was positive the pink one was a girl. I mean the signs were all there for Christ's sake! There was no way an MAN could be that effeminate and girly. Not even the gayest flamers Mark knew were THAT girly.

"Hey donut Sarge told me to…. Come….get …. You?" Grif stood dumb found at the sight before him there stood a topless woman. She had a nice light petite frame with pert round breasts. She had short blond hair with several pink highlights. Her lucid blue eyes showed shock and fear in them, in her hands was a roll of binding cloth, obviously meant for binding her chest. Grif's eyes travel from her face to her bare chest down to her waist. That's when his brain caught up with what he saw next. Pink leg armor. She had the lower half of Donut's pink armor on. The upper half sat in a neat pile next to a crate along with the helmet. The woman had this horrified expression on her face. Oh no! Oh no, no, no, no, NO! this wasn't happening to her. This wasn't happening! She'd been found out she'd been made!

"Grif…. I… I can…. I can explain!" the woman chocked out. Maybe she could trick! Yeah that might work! Grif seemed just dumb enough to believe what she had in mind to tell him. She tried to think of whatever that was first.

Grif's brain finally put together what he was seeing. And he spoke finally after about three minutes of staring.

"OH…….MY……..GOD…….. DONUT….. YOU'RE…A WOMAN?!"

Fade to black.

"I can explain really!"

"Oh yeah? Explain to me this? why do you have breasts? Guys don't tend to have those you know.

"Well the thing is…"

"It all makes sense now… the girly behavior… you insisting on having your own room."

"Please don't tell anyone!"

"AHA, so you ARE a girl!"

"…… yes."

Next Episode, Grif realizes the gravity of what he has just discovered. Mark has decided to try and find proof of Donut's true female gender while Donut and Grif work together to sabotage this effort. Tex tells church she'll be gone a while to do some clue finding as to why the committee would have given them clone bodies. And finally…. Sister is pregnant! And happy about it! How will tucker take the news that he's gonna be a dad, again. How will Grif take it if HE finds out?

Episode II, Proud parents all around.


	2. Episode 2: Proud Parents All Around

Author Note: Just to get some things out of the way. The Reds no longer have Lopez with them. The Blues don't have the Tank either… yet.

**Episode II: Proud Parents All Around**

"Please Grif! Don't tell any one! I'll get thrown out of the Red army if they found out I forged documents about my gender and physical!" Donut pleaded to Grif, tears running down her face.

"….." Grif was in a tough spot. On the one hand he could say something and have Donut run out of Valhalla in shame. But then on the other, he had a soft spot for crying women. "I don't know Donut this is kind of a big deal, you know? You did lie about your real gender after all. Sarge is gonna be pissed if he finds out."

"That's why he can find out!" Donut replied. "I need to be here! You don't understand!" She was crying freely by now. This was more than the pink clad woman could handle.

"You lied. What's there to understand?" Grif snorted. "I hate Sarge with a passion but even I wouldn't lie to him." Why had she lied about something like this? I mean Grif may have been drafted and resented it, but Not even he would lie about… well anything. Dexter Grif may have been many things, but a liar wasn't one. That's what bothered him the most about the whole situation.

"I have nowhere to go!" Donut practically sobbed. "It was either lie to get into the Red army or be a prostitute on the street! I had no home, no money. Not even a god damn name!"

Now that got Grif's attention. "What do you mean no name? Isn't it Donut?" what did she mean no name? Grif tilted his head as he studied the young woman.

"No…. I took it from a military obituary." Donut explained. "I was about twelve. I was wondering around back alleys, just trying to scrape by. I had no name; I'd been abandoned early on in life. I don't even remember if I ever got a name. So I found an old paper listing the Dead during the Great War and picked one to call myself at random." Donut had placed her armor back on by this point_._

"Franklin D. Donut right?" Grif asked. He crossed his arms over his chest. This was great, just great. How could he rat her out now? She wasn't lying that much was obvious. Grif may have been lazy as all get out, but he was an expert at reading faces. And he could tell she was telling the truth. If He told Sarge, or any one for that matter, that Donut was a woman, she'd be thrown out of the army. And she clearly had no home to go to by what she had said. "Donut?"

"Yeah?" Donut looked up at Grif.

"Your secret's safe with me." Grif nodded at the pink armored woman.

"Thanks."

Sarge stood on the top level of red base staring up at the sky expectantly. It had been about four hours since Mark left to get the new vehicle from command. He was also due for an armor replacement, something about it being too small.

"What are you looking for sir?" Simmons asked as he walking up to his commanding officer.

"Mark! Command called him back to get a new vehicle for us to compliment the Warthog." Sarge replied not taking his eyes off the sky. "They said He would be back about now. But I don't see him any where!" Sarge sighed exasperatedly.

"That's because your looking at clouds sir." Simmons commented. Why would Sarge be staring at the sky for the new vehicle?

"The new vehicle's an aircraft idiot." Sarge snapped facing the maroon colored private. Both Red soldiers attentions were brought back to the sky by the sound of a small aircraft approaching. It had the hull of a small combat fighter, but instead of two wings it had two verti-lift turbines. It had two Vulcan pods above the cockpit dome and two missile pods under the pylons. It landed behind the Red base at the waterfront. A red soldier, clad in armor as gold as his visor, climbed out of the cockpit.

"Sorry to keep you waiting Sarge." The gold soldier apologized as he walked up to the red CO. "It took way longer than expected to fuel it up."

"You're damn right!" Sarge replied. "Your over two hours late! You should have been here much sooner." Idiots couldn't do anything right. What was the world coming to?

"Hey. Isn't your armor some kind of Christmassy theme?" Simmons asked sarcastcially. Christmas themed armor. he had to Thank Vic latter for helping him pull that off.

"No you dumb ass." Mark retorted. Stupid Vic. Thought he was so fucking cleaver. "That fucktard Vic thought it would be cute to give me green and red armor… that was two sizes too small." It still pissed him off that command Let Vic pull a stunt like that. His balls still hurt from squeezing into that armor.

"What's all the racket?" Grif asked as he walked up with Donut in tow.

At the Blue base.

"I sill don't understand why you think you need to go looking for trouble Tex." Church sighed as he watched his long timer girlfriend load several rifles into the back of a cargo warthog. (A normal warthog minus the turret-mounted weapon) He hated how she always seemed to go looking for trouble like this.

"Who said I was looking for trouble?" Tex scoffed. Church was just being over protective in her opinion. All she was doing was going to the old Freelancer base to do some checking around. She didn't really expect to find anything considering the EMP that went off ruined all the mainframes. But it didn't hurt to check either. Something was just bugging her about the whole "command gave us new bodies" situation. She knew command. The never just did things out of charity. There was always some thing they had to gain from doing so. At her expense most of the time. "I'm just going to see if anything survived the EMP blast at the old Freelancer HQ. That's all. It's not like I'm going to start a small scale war or anything."

"Than why are you loading a rocket launcher and Spartan laser?" church asked incredulously.

"What?" Tex blinked inside her helmet as she dumped said weapons in the back of the Warthog. "These?…. No reason."

"Sure, I'll just bet." Church remarked sarcastically.

Inside the blue base, Doc had finished his check up of Sister. She had been getting morning sick everyday for the last month.

"So… Doc, Is sister sick or something?" tucker asked, a hint of worry in his voice. He may not have admitted it out loud be he was worried about Sister. He didn't know why but Sister made he feel things he never felt with other girls he met.

"Well, I've got god news and bad news." Doc replied. He had to be delicate about how he approached this. It wasn't every day a big event like this occurred. It had to be delivered professionally.

"I don't like the sound of that." Tucker shifted uncomfortably. Good news and bad news? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Well the bad new is she'll be experiencing morning sickness for the next couple of months." Doc explained motioning toward Sister. The Yellow clad blue sighing.

"Yeah which SUCKS!" She exclaimed in an exasperated manner. Man why did this have to be so complicated? Why couldn't just happen and be done with? Oh well but she was going to go through with it this time. She would not go down as THAT kind of girl. Not her, no sir, not at all.

"Ok so what's the good new?" tucker asked. He couldn't wait to her this one. Something weird probably, like she's going to mutate into a xenomorph, or grow fangs and fur. That's how things usually worked around there. Nothing normal EVER happened when it cam to the former residents of Blood gulch.

"The good news is she isn't sick!" Doc finished, if it wasn't for his purple armor, tucker would have seen the stupid smile on his face.

"Yeah." Sister added in. "I'm pregnant! With your kid Tucker!" She exclaimed happily.

Fade to black.

"Well that's a relief. I at least I know your not sick…… Wait what?"

Next chapter, Tex arrives at the abandoned Freelancer base, or ist it? Church has to put up with a new refruit that arrives, bringing another tank, and Baring a very familiar name. Like wise the Reds see the return of a familiar face while Donut tries to avoid blowing her secret to growing suspicions about her from the others. New allies arrive and old enemies return in epsiode three, Blast from the Past.


	3. Episode 3: Blast From the Past

Author note: some people are so pushy. Oh well that just means they're eager to see the next chapter! Any way here it is you pushy pushers.

**Episode III: Blast From the Past**

**Abandoned Freelancer HQ**

Tex slowed the Warthog to a stop at the busted perimeter fence around the former headquarters for Project Freelancer. Tex jumped out of the warthog, walked up to the fence and pulled a fallen section out of the way to allow her to pass by with out puncturing the tires on the razor wire circling the top part. She got back in the warthog and proceeded up to the abandoned complex of structures. As she got closer she clearly saw most of the windows had been blown out, most likely from the EMP shock wave. It had only been a year since the incident with the Meta, aka Maine, but the building already seemed to show signs of neglect Several birds flew in and out of one of the shattered windows on the third floor of the main structure, suggesting the probably had a nest inside somewhere. Tex sighed to her self as she got out of the warthog, walking around to the rear of the military vehicle. She reached down and picked up the shotgun and battle riffle, securing them to her back with the magnetic plates over her shoulder blades. She also fastened an smg to her hip pad, grabbing two frag grenades and plasma grenades. She decided to leave the Spartan laser and Rocket launcher be for the moment. She didn't really know why she had brought them but just had the feeling that she would need them.

"Shit. I hoped I'd never have to see this place again." Tex openly sighed, rolling her shoulders as she unceremoniously kicked down the front door of the former freelancer base. She stepped into the large lobby the ceiling not very high, only about ten feet. A large reception desk sat in the middle back of the lobby, two doors on either side leading to the office cubicles and executive offices behind. Tex walked up to the large hard oak desk, running her gauntleted hand along the surface. She didn't have to see her fingers to recognize the year's worth of dust that had settled.

"Just as I thought no one has been her in a while." Tex mused as she made her way around to the small computer terminal sitting by itself in the middle of the reception desk. She absently punched a few keys and was mildly surprised when the computer screen blinked to life. "Well I guess emergency power would have kicked in after main power was lost." Tex shrugged as she pushed a small swiveling chair aside and began working on the small computer console. She finally got what she wanted. "Well now, looks like not everything was lost when the EMP went off." Tex smirked under her dark helmet. "Now let's just see what is was that…. Oh shit! I should have known I wouldn't be able to find out anything this easily." Tex sighed in defeat as her request locked out the computer. Oh well she should have figured it wouldn't be that easy. Oh well, Tex simply shrugged, she still had a lot of ground to cover. However, She was now curtain she would be able to find at least something that might lead to an answer about why she and Church go living bodies again. Church may not question the reasons for this, but Tex did. She didn't like it. Not at all. She hated the feeling that Command was going to turn around and hold that fact over there head and make them do something against their will. Church had said she was being paranoid. Tex knew she was just being cautious. Yeah she heard the old saying not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but in this case she had every reason to be suspicious. Something was going on and she was going to find out. Tex made short work of searching the offices. Most of the physical files, paper work, tapes, etc. had been burned. She did however come across few none ruined fragments from several research reports. Some vague references to something about "Genesis" and Project Rebirth. Now that got her attention.

"Project rebirth huh?" Tex hmmed as she leafed through a mostly ruined report. A lot of it was smoke damaged beyond legibility. However she did find out that something called "Project Rebirth" had begun a year ago. "That was around the same time the Meta was running around killing freelancers for their AI partners." Tex blinked in surprise. Now that was interesting. "I guess my next stop is the building holding the main frames." Tex nodded to herself, letting the ruined report fall from her hand to the floor. She didn't need it any more and any information the mainframes had would be much more worth while than a ruined pile of paper anyway. Unknown to Tex, a mysterious armored figure had been silently observing Tex as she had rummaged through the old offices.

"My dear Alison, always doing everything the hard way I see." The man mused quietly, a thick English accent evident in his voice. "I guess I'll just have to kill you now. Sorry dear but my employers will be very un happy if you find out about their little pet project." He smirked under his helmet as he silently slipped from view, intent on finishing off Tex once and for all.

**Meanwhile at Blue base**

"Oh good." Church commented sarcastically as a Blue soldier in Azure armor climbed out of the tank she had arrived. Not that church didn't like the idea of getting a new tank to replace the other; he just didn't like the fact that it also had a new recruit coming with it. "Another potential Caboose. Lucky fucking me." He sighed as the azure armored Blue walked up to him.

"Excuse me sir." The blue asked in a disturbingly familiar voice. Church gaped under his helmet. No way she sounded just like….. No way! "Are you Captain Leonard Church of Valhalla Outpost Alpha?" She had a soft fluty voice; even in the Mark VI armor it was obvious the new recruit was a woman. But that voice. She sounded like Sheila!

"Yeah that would be me. Who are you?" church replied crossing his arms and tilting his head to the side slightly.

"My name is Corporal Sheila Anderson!" Sheila Saluted smartly. "I was assigned to the blue base here under direct orders from Blue command in response to the bolstering of Red army forces on the other side of the combat zone!"

"Wait….. You're Sheila!?!?" church gasped in surprise. No way was that really Sheila? The tank Sheila? "As in the Ai in our old Tank Sheila?"

"Oh no!" Sheila waved her hands in front of her. "I'm the real Sheila. The AI program in the M808V main battle tank was based on me." She explained. "Just as the AI's Alpha and Cortana were also based on real people." Sheila smiled under her helmet. Well this Church seems to have known her AI duplicate. Maybe that would help in building a strong base of trust between herself and her new CO.

"Hey…. You're fully trained in operating the tank…. Aren't you?" Church asked slightly nervous. He remembered the last time he got a recruit along with a tank. The Recruit being caboose and the Tank being Sheila. Caboose shot him with the tank. "Cause I don't feel like getting team killed again by another recruit."

"I am fully trained in the use of the M808B Main battle tank." Sheila replied. But what was the last part? "And what do you mean 'again' Cpt. Church?"

"*Sigh*" Church slumped his shoulders. God this was going to be a LONG tour of duty, Church thought as Caboose, sister, and Tucker came up to introduce themselves.

**At Red Base**

"Sorry, but I think Mark might actually have a point here." Simmons commented sitting in side the red bas across from Grif and Donut. Donut was furious that her room had been "raided as it were. Mark had been snooping around trying to find evidence that Donut was in fact of the "fairer" sex. "I mean what were those tampons doing in Donut's room?"

"Dude it's DONUT." Grif remarked sarcastically. "Do you REALLy want to know what he does with them? Honestly?" Grif was trying his best to push the "It's Donut, don't ask." line of reasoning. Which was exactly that. Don't ask.

"Good point." Simmons visibly shuddered. Grif smirked under his helmet. It had been al too easy to convince Simmons to not question what would be considered bizarre items for men to have Donut's possession. Mark however.

"That's no explanation!" Mark shouted. He new Donut was a girl! There was no way it could be a man! "Come on!"

"Oh just give it a rest will you!" Grif huffed angrily. "Nobody fucking cares what you think. No if you'll excuse me, I have an Oreo diet to maintain." Grif got up and headed to the kitchen.

"I guess I'll check the armory. Make sure will actually have enough bullets this time." Simmons stretched his back standing up, and headed on his way.

"And I'm gonna take a Nice warm bubble bath!" Donut chirped happily walking to the showers. She turned her head to look at Mark. "And If I even FEEL you trying to spy on me, I'll tear your 'goods' off and fuck you with them!" Donut snarled the last part before facing back again and heading into the showers.

"….." Mark just sat and stared as the pink clad red walked away, swaying those hips just like a woman would. Either that was a woman or that was the GAYEST gay man to every walk the surface of any planet. Mark just sighed dejectedly. "Well fuck I give up. If no one believes me, no point in pushing the matter further. I'm gonna go take a nap."

Outside the Red base.

"I don't believe my eyes!" Sarge exclaimed happily walking up to the familiar olive drab armored soldier. "Lopez! It's really you isn't! I missed ya so much!"

Lopez sighed rolling both shoulders."Yes it's me. They sent me here to make sure you retards don't kill yourselves." Came the completely Spanish reply from the Olive Red. Lopez didn't like the idea of having to be here with these dipshits very much, but hey, after the deal red command offered, Lopez would have gleefully jumped through flaming hoops while juggling chainsaws. Lopez smirked lifting a left hand up and deactivating the voice filter installed in the helmet. "Now for as for the orders from command I'm to give you. Listen up. Cause I'm only going to give them once, Sarge." Lopez stated, to Sarge's complete shock, in English, and a distinctly female voice, With a hint of a Brooklyn accent oddly enough.

Fade to Black

"Lopez you speak a language I understand!"

"No shit idiot."

"Hey that's not very nice!"

"Neither was programming to speak only Spanish you idiot!"

"Listen now little mister…. Er Lady! I will not tolerate this insubordination from you! I'll tell command about this!"

"Tell them what? That your going AWOL again? You got more fake orders from them telling you to chase agent Washington?"

"…………………….. You know, I like you better when I couldn't understand what you were saying."

"So did I"

"Don't you go back to that Mexican talk on me!"

"You have no power here fool."

"Don't think I don't have power here!"

"You don't. You're just a patsy in a huge, elaborate, live fire war game. You are even more expandable than me."

"Oh, I just can't stay mad at you! Come here you! Gimme a Hug!"

"Oh god please no."

"I love you too Lopez!"

"Please kill me."

Next chapter, Tex has found the main frames to the old Freelancer base, but is suddenly ambushed by…… Wyoming!?


	4. Episode 4: A Rocket For your Thoughts?

Author note: How are all of you in the Fanfiction world? I know it's been over a year since I update this. But fear not! I have returned to give you more RVB goodness then you can shake a stick at! On with the show!

**Episode 4: A Rocket For Your Thoughts?**

**Freelancer HQ mainframe Hub**

Here it was, the mainframe hub of the entire Freelancer network. The room the black armored Blue team soldiers scanned the massive room. Heh. Blue Team. Over a year ago if she had been told she would be part of the blue army, she would have left at the guy who said it…. Then shot them in the face. The long, high ceilinged room was dominated by rows and rows of computer banks. They were glowing a faint blue that told her they were indeed receiving power.

"Well now, time to see if this trip was even worth making." Tex commented to no one as she ran her hand along the surface of one of the massive super computers. "Where it all started… and ended." She mused as she pulled a small data pad out of a storage compartment on her thigh. With any luck, She would find at least a few bits of data. But she was not going to hold her breath either.

"All right, now all I have to do is plug this data retrieval module in and wait for it to recover any surviving data from the main frame computer. ^-^" Tex smirked under her helmet as she pulled a panel of the side of one of the super computers and hooked up the small device.

CLICK.

Tex barely had time to react before a sniper round whizzed just by her head. She gasped as she pulled her self of the ground and turned to face her attacker.

"!" Tex felt her voice die in her throat and her blood run cold. It was impossible! She watched him die! She watched that miserable, disgusting creature that had the nerve to call himself a freelancer die! But there he was, her mortal enemy. Clad in all white armor, holding a .50 cal sniper rifle.

"Wyoming!" Tex snarled. It was Wyoming. The man responsible for some of her worst betrayals and back stabs. Real name Desmond. Wyoming was the most sadistic Freelancer ever produced. "How are you alive?" She hissed.

"Oh dear Alison!" Wyoming replied airily. "No warm hellos? No 'Desmond Old chum, dear friend how are you'? I'm hurt Alison! Truly I am!" he continued, His fake sincere voice stabbing into Tex like a knife through her back.

"Fuck you, you piece of shit!" Tex growled back, her voice reach feral levels of deadly. "We were never 'old chums' or 'dear' FUCKING 'friends'! You tried to kill Church! You tried to kill me!" Tex was using all her strength to not kill him instantly. She still needed the data module to retrieve any data on the computers in the mainframe. She couldn't do that if she started a firefight with Wyoming now.

"Now, now dear Alison, Mission protocol dictated action." Wyoming smiled under his helmet. "You tried to blow up my installation." He leaned forward don his sniper rifle. "You did destroy my installation. And now I have only one purpose, the one I should have carried out years ago."

"And that would be?" Tex sneered under her helmet at her most hated foe.

"Why… Killing you…my …dear …Alison." Wyoming hefted the sniper rifle and took aim at his prey.

**Blue Base**

"Ok. So how exactly did you get pregnant Sis?" Tucker asked pacing back and forth in side Blue Base, Church slouching on the couch, his feet propped on their coffee table caboose sitting next to Sheila, and sister and doc standing in front of the couch.

"Well. Let's see…Um… Well you did fuck me a bunch of times with out a condom." Sister replied.

"….." Tucker just stared at sister.

"Nice job genius." Church snorted sarcastically.

"Yay a baby!" Caboose slapped happily.

"Wow. Your going top have a baby?" Sheila chirped happily.

"You sound just like Sheila!" Caboose gasped.

Fade to black

"I am Sheila!"

"You are!"

"Yes!"

"….. Do you like orange juice?"

"I love orange juice!"

"Do you like playing tag?"

"I loved tag as a kid!"

"Do you like holding hands?"

"What better way to spend time with friends!"

"Do you like fishing?"

"My dad took me all the time!"

"Will you marry me?"

"….."

"…."

"…."

"…"

"Ok!"

"YAY!"

"*Snort* morons."


End file.
